Respect My Authority
by Miss M Cricket
Summary: The only explanation Kyle could give for the events that occurred on Friday night was that they had all been drunk. Very, very stupidly drunk.
1. Chapter 1: Spin the Bottle

**Respect My Authority**

_AUTHORS NOTE: A new fandom, one I've quietly supported for a long time but have only just started writing. I wanted to get the characters voices right in my head first._

_NOTE: This is Cartman/Kyle, KyCart, Kyman, whatever you like to call it :) There is no Style in here peoples._

_Disclaimer: I do not own South Park, it is the property of Trey Parker and Matt Stone. And everything included within is based on their works._

* * *

**Chapter 1 - Spin the Bottle**

The only explanation Kyle could give for the events that occurred on Friday night was that they had all been drunk. Very, very stupidly drunk.

Everyone was at Bebe's house, for her 17th birthday party. Her parents were away and she had decided to have a proper adult party with booze, loud music and boys. And this time, unlike the Stupid Spoiled Whore party from years back, the boys didn't object at all.

~*~

Kyle flopped on the couch, feeling his head spinning. Vodka shots, a sure fire way to get the young Jew properly smashed, had been downed. He wriggled over as his best friend collapsed beside him, a big grin on his face. "Fuck..." Stan breathed, running a hand through his black hair. "Where the hell did Kenny get all that vodka from...?"

The red-haired boy didn't get a chance to reply as a loud voice interrupted them "Aye! Fucking faggots, we haven't finished our shots yet!" Eric Cartman stood before them, glowering and waving the vodka bottle before them.

Unlike the boys on the couch, Cartman wasn't feeling the effects of the alcohol yet. His hazel eyes narrowed as he took in the way Stan's head lolled back against the couch headrest and the way that Kyle's eyes moved rather dazedly,

"Argh pussy lightweights!" the young man swore in annoyance, storming off to find Kenny. That boy had a high alcohol tolerance, it would be much better to join him.

"Fucking fatass." Kyle slurred, not really caring where the bigger boy went. He rolled his head to the side and grinned at his best friend. "You do look drunk though dude."

"Fuck off."

~*~

An hour later Bebe clapped her hands and waved at Craig to turn down the music for a moment. Everyone looked over at the girl, from their various positions around the room. Kyle and Stan were still on their couch, but Kenny was now squished in between them, and both of them had empty glasses in their hands, that until recently had been rum and coke. Cartman, annoyed, was perched on the arm of the couch, next to Kyle. It was easier to make fun of him that way. And he was feeling happier now his head was fuzzy.

"Everyone! I think it's time to play some games." A collective groan rose up from the male population of the room while all the girls started whispering excitedly. "Personally I like the idea of Spin the Bottle." Another groan, along with excited squeals from the girls. "So everyone form a circle!"

"Not doing it." Cartman drawled to his friends. "Not playing some faggy little game,"

"No one wants to kiss you anyway Cartman." Kyle drawled in response, slipping off the couch and moving across the floor to sit down beside Butters who grinned fuzzily at him. Champaign had that effect on Butters.

"Aye!" Cartman snarled, hazel eyes snapping furiously as he watched the Jew-rat go over to join the game, "Aw not you too Kenneh!" he groaned then as Stan and Kenny dragged themselves up and over to the circle. "Goddammit!"

Kenny hid a grin as Eric plonked himself down unceremoniously beside him.

~*~

The game progressed quite calmly after this. Bebe kissed Clyde, Clyde kissed Red, Red kissed Butters, and Butters kissed Annie, much to Cartman's amusement. The big boy was considering the possibility that he might have been wrong about the game, especially when Annie spun the bottle and it landed on Wendy.

"Ew!" squealed Wendy.

"Fucking sweet dude." Kenny grinned, as Eric started laughing. Kyle and Stan just kind of grinned at one another and then at the girls.

"Do I have to?" Annie asked, looking around the group for support.

"Yes!" all the boys chorused. Finally even the girls nodded reluctantly.

Slowly Annie crawled over the circle to Wendy and the pair shared an acceptable kiss. 'Acceptable' meant the guidelines set at the beginning of the game; open mouthed proper kissing, but under 5 minutes. At the end of it Kenny and Stan had a faint line of drool hanging from the corner of their open mouths, Cartman was smirking at Wendy's uncomfortable face, and Kyle was watching everything with vague interest.

"That was so hot." Kenny sighed happily to Kyle and Cartman, watching Annie as Wendy crawled over to give a kiss to Stan. The dark haired boy looked rather pleased at having his primary school sweetheart kiss him again.

"Yeah it was." Cartman agreed, glancing over at Wendy snogging Stan. "Is that really acceptable?" he asked the group at large as the kiss went on.

And on...

And on...

Finally Wendy crawled back to her seat, looking much happier than she had after her kiss with Annie.

The game continued.

~*~

"This game sucks ass." Cartman whined to Kenny ten minutes later, after the blond boy had finished making out with a happily blushing Millie and then Lola. "I haven't gotten to kiss anyone yet."

Kenny didn't get to reply as a sob from one of the girls alerted them to a pause in the game. Heidi was looking at Cartman with big eyes and the bottle was pointing right at him. "Sweet." Eric smirked, lounging back and beckoning the cringing girl over.

There was silence for the duration of the kiss and when it was done, Heidi scuttled back to her side of the circle, where she received comforting pats from the girls and guys around her. The other girls however watched Cartman anxiously as with a sleazy grin he picked up the bottle and spun it.

"No!" the fat boy yelled as the bottle came to rest and around the room, mouths opened in shock.

The bottle had landed on Kyle.

Kyle looked from the bottle to the boy sitting down the line. "No way dudes, I'm not fucking making out with Cartman."

"Yeah cause there is no way I'm making out with a fucking ginger Jew-rat fag."

"Fuck you Cartman!"

"Yeah we all know you want it Jew!"

"ARGH!" Kyle yelled, launching himself across the circle at the other boy. He grabbed Cartman's shirt yanking him upwards as he lifted his fist to pummel the other.

In the moment of silence, as Kyle fought down the urge to smash the fat boy into the ground, Cartman looked up and smirked at the other boy.

"See, told you that you wanted it."

"I hate you!" Kyle spat, letting go of the other boy and starting to move back.

"Hang on." Kenny said, tilting his head with an evil grin, "Not so fast Kyle, you haven't kissed Cartman yet."

"I'm not kissing that Fat Asshole!"

"Aye! Don't call me fat you Fucking faggot!"

"Right!" Bebe cried storming forward and towering over the two boys. "If you two don't start kissing in the next few moments you will both have to leave." Kyle blinked blearily up at her.

"Pfft." Cartman sneered, "Whatever ho. I ain't kissing any boys. Screw you guys I'm going home." He stood to leave.

"You won't ever be invited again." Bebe warned. "No parties, and no girls in our school will ever date you." A chorus of agreement rose from the girls, and Cartman looked around speechless.

"Godammit bitches!" Stormed the brown haired boy, as he dropped back down and grabbed Kyle, yanking him towards him.

The kiss was rough, Cartman was not happy and Kyle was too drunk to really protest the way he wanted to. But after the first angry minute the kiss eased slightly and the boys became aware of things, things they hadn't before.

Kyle's hair was very soft, Cartman noted in surprise, fingers curling reflexively in the silky auburn strands.

Cartman's body was warm and rather overwhelming, Kyle thought dizzily, and had he always smelt so...nice?

Kyle relaxed a little and Cartman sensed it in that primitive back part of his mind, and it stirred his body with instinctive possessive feelings. He wanted to keep kissing Kyle; there was something there, something more than that tearful kiss of Heidi. Kyle wasn't crying, Kyle was kissing him back.

"Enough!" Stan yelled, looking traumatised, and it was enough to startle the two boys apart. Cartman looked down at Kyle, whose lips were swollen and parted, green eyes wide with shock and his stomach rebelled. He fled the room and the crowd could hear him retching in the bathroom.

"Dude, you okay?" Kenny asked the dazed Jew who crawled back to his place in the circle.

"I got kissed by an ugly, evil, fat son-of-a-bitch." Kyle fumed, albeit with a bit of a slur to his voice. "No I am not okay."

~*~

The boys had all gone home, but the girls were staying over at Bebe's and they were all in her bedroom, curled up in sleeping bags and giggling. They were dissecting the night that had been.

"Okay my highlight of the night?" Red said, grinning around at the girls and interrupting Wendy's gushing about Stan and her kiss.

"Yeah Red what was your highlight?" Millie looked relieved as Wendy gave them both an affronted look.

"Cartman and Kyle."

Silence fell.

"Oh my god yes." Bebe agreed followed by a storm of approval from the other girls. "I can't stand Cartman but there was something so...Hot about seeing two rivals just go at it."

"Thank god Kyle was drunk." Millie giggled, "He would have killed us all if he had been sober."

"He might kill us at school on Monday?" Heidi considered.

"I think he enjoyed it too much to do that." Wendy sniffed, she didn't like Kyle much.

The girls all looked at each other and slowly a smirk formed on their faces.

"They both liked it." Bebe said slowly.

"Imagine if they got together." Red breathed.

Squeals filled the bedroom and instantly plans were laid.


	2. Chapter 2: Club Cartyle

**Respect My Authority**

_Wow the response to this story has been rather overwhelming, and rather daunting. How can I measure up with this second chapter!_

_However here it is, it took me a while, a lot of episode watching, a large number of songs in a special playlist and a heap of encouragement not only from you the reviewers but also the people who know me, and read this story and pester me. Without pestering, where would I be?_

_So here it is my dear readers. Chapter 2._

**_Disclaimer: I dont own. Anything at all. Not even my hairtie_**

**_WARNING: Anti-Semitic and homophobic remarks. Cartman style._**

**_~*~ --------------------------------------------------------------------------- ~*~_**

**Chapter 2 - Club Cartyle**

Kyle didn't hear about Club Cartyle until recess on Monday.

It was a new and highly exclusive club at school and all its members seemed to be girls, and he assumed, like most of the boys, that it was a girly makeup, clothing and hairspray type conversation forum.

Oh how wrong he was.

~*~

First period Monday and Cartman was already pissed off.

Some little shit had told the entirety of the year group who hadn't made it to Bebe's party about the game of Spin the Bottle and its subsequent results. That little fag Pirrup had actually dared to smirk at him as he walked past him, on the way to his locker.

"Aye!" Cartman had bawled, "What are you looking at Fag!"

"Oh my goodness." Pip had squeaked, not expecting that his little smile would incite such a violent response.

At least, Cartman thought broodingly, he had gotten a chance to make a 'French twist' out of the little shit. Entering the class he glared at his teacher, drawling out that Pip would not be attending class today, he was sick.

~*~

Stan was running late that morning after Shelly hogged the bathroom for an obscene 40 minutes.

"Moom." The black haired teen yelled down the stairs.

"I'm sorry Stan." Came the response, yelled back from the livingroom, "But maybe you should have gotten up earlier."

"She's been in there for Forty minutes!" Stan yelled, hopping from foot to foot, trying to suppress his desperate urge to pee. "Moooooom!"

"Jesus you little shit." Shelley grumbled as she exited the bathroom. "It's free now." The girl had upgraded from Turd to Shit when she reached Grade 7 and became a 'proper teenager'.

"Thank god," Stan muttered as he hurried back along the landing to the bathroom. Suddenly his parents room barged open and Randy Marsh came barrelling out and straight into the bathroom. The door slammed in Stan's face, "Hey! Dad! I needed that!"

No response.

"Goddammit." Stan muttered and went downstairs, heading out into the garden. "We need another bathroom in this place."

Which was why, when it came time to get to school, Stan was running late.

He barrelled up the stairs, swearing under his breath at his tardiness and leapt to the side as the doors opened and Pip Pirrup hurried out, nose looking broken and his limbs moving in very odd ways. Stan watched for a minute and then shrugged, maybe it was some English thing?

Quickly he moved inside the school building and through the corridors to his locker. The final bell rang just as he got there and he realised he had forgotten his locker key. With a groan he banged his head against the locker. "Goddammit!"

~*~

Kenny might have been a perverted child, forced to grow up before his time, through death and through the sheer uselessness of his parents, but now he had reached his middle teens he realised he slotted right into the curve of maturing young men.

In fact he had found himself rather revered by his fellow students for his exploits and his graphic porn collection. Butters had even come up and asked for a nice safe porn movie to watch. Kenny, never failing to make trouble for someone else gave him a graphic and rather violent anime film.

Butters still ran away screaming whenever he saw an Asian girl on the streets.

So why was Kenny the only male recruited into Club Cartyle?

Stan's theory was that he had weaselled in with some pretext for some personal gain. Probably perverted and dirty. Maybe he had blackmailed them?

Kyle considered and then shrugged, it didn't really have anything to do with them right? Kenny would probably tell them all later anyway.

Butters supposed maybe they wanted to make him look clean and pretty, because Kenny had very nice cheekbones under all that matted hair.

Tweak practically vibrated off his bench as he watched Cartman shove Butters face into his meal and quickly stated that he couldn't possibly voice an opinion under such pressure.

Clyde and Craig just looked at one another and then continued eating, who knews why Kenny did anything, and why interfere? It might end up in some nice new videos that they might want to borrow from the blond at a later date.

Cartman coughed and then loudly stated his opinion: that Kenny was clearly having a time of deep gender confusion.

There was silence.

Not much one could say after that.

~*~

If Kyle had thought he would get through this first day back at school without a reference to The Game on Friday he was sadly mistaken. The odd thing about it was that the last person he ever expected to bring it up was the one to do so on the way back from school that afternoon.

"So Jew-fag," Cartman drawled from several paces behind Kyle as they walked towards the school gates. "You do realise that your new found sexual orientation means that the Nazi's would have killed you off twice over."

Kyle gritted his teeth and pressed on, making a frustrated noise under his breath. Stan gave him a sympathetic look but didn't say anything as they trudged through the sludgy grass.

"Aw gee Eric why do you say that?" Butters said, as usual completely innocent of everything. Cartman smirked as he watched Kyle's hands curl into fists from where he walked in front of him.

"Well you see Butters..."

"Shut up Cartman."

"...when the Nazi's tried to righteously purify the world..."

"I mean it Fatass!"

"...they didn't just want to kill off the useless Jew-rats..."

"Don't belittle my people like that you racist Fatboy!"

"...they wanted the perfect race, so they killed off Fags too...."

"Cartman!"

"..And so you see our Kyle here got a double dose..."

"ARGH!!!"

~*~

"I call this first meeting of Club Cartyle to Order!" Bebe proclaimed banging her desk with a small judge's hammer.

Wendy had been sent by the committee to petition the school to let them use a classroom for their afterschool activities. The school, thrilled to have kids participating in extracurricular things, never asked what the club was for and gave them the permission they required.

Bebe was Chairwoman, Kenny was Chairman, Wendy was secretary and the rest of the girls were the rest of the Committee.

"Now we all know what our goal here is." Bebe continued, tucking a strand of curly blonde hair behind her ear. "We have two years left at this school, which gives us two years to complete our brief. Not that I think it will take that long."

Titters filled the classroom as the girls winked at each other. Kenny just smirked.

"We all saw the kiss on Friday." Appreciative noises filled the room, "And we all agree that seeing two rivals snog each other's faces off was possibly the hottest thing we have ever seen in our lives." Kenny raised an eyebrow at her but she ignored him, "So all that remains is how to convince Kyle Broflovski and Eric Cartman that they should re-direct all that animosity into a more...productive fashion. Ideas?"

That was when shouts from the yard reached their ears and all the girls plus Kenny rushed to the window.

"Oh my!" squealed Red.

Down there in the schoolyard, with Stan Marsh dancing around clearly trying to intercede, the objects of the Club Cartyle Committee discussion were scrambling around, wrestling mightily.

"They're fighting again." Kenny groaned.

"Just means there is passion there McCormick." Bebe informed him.

"Yeah, passionate hatred."

"Haven't you ever heard of there being a thin line between love and hate?"" Annie informed him

"Oh god yes," Heidi gushed, "Like Anne Boleyn and Henry."

"Except we don't want Kyle to get his head chopped off for supposedly sleeping with his brother." Wendy contributed.

There was silence for a moment.

"Do you reckon Kyle would be the chick in the relationship?" Bebe asked after a bit of silence.

All the girls looked at each other thoughtfully, and then began to giggle.


End file.
